Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it because I queefed?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
