So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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