oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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