if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
