Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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