I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
