Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
