i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
