Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize