i jhust puked up my retainher.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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