i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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