We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
