Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
