thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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