Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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