we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think my vagina is haunted
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
