He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
tell me about the eggs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
