I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
