My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
