Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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