Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
