why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize