i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
