Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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