my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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