you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
