You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
