found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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