Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
