hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize