My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just puked most of my soul out..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
