i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
