I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
