he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
