I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize