if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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