apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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