Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
