Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
