And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
