Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dear god my vagina.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
