this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
