So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
