Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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