Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
