White coat. Heels.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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