Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
