Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
