How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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