K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
