The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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