lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
