Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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