Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
now i know why i became what i already was.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
