i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize