that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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