New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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