You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
whose parrot is this?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
