Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
not ubering you a puppy
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize