Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm at about main and main street
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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