Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
