if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
