i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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