life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
