chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
