I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
