I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
