im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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