I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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