she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
