im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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