At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
