OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
