Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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