just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
