I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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