you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
