it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am midnight drunk by noon
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
