The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
