he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
