Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
