Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
