There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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