I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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