if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This baby is an asshole
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
